Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Where I work

I'm straight, but I do work in a particularly gay section of Chelsea called Chelsea.

Ryanadams.org, a place I hang out online

For various reasons, The message board at RyanAdams.org

some of my posts there are classic, if I may say so.

I guess I was responsible for Ryan's now-infamous comments about Britney Spears - which became the most viewed thread in the history of the board.

But I think it is fair to say that both time and Federline have proven Ryan was prescient here.

Monday, August 15, 2005

OK, I'll try this....

Time to come clean...basically, the whole Moe Golden thing is a pseudonym taken from a hero of mine, Woody Allen...I've been using it for years online. google it - it's all me. Except those posts on the gay nazi porn sites, that's someone else.

The origins of 'Moe Golden'...In the recent book about Saturday Night Live by Tom Shales and James Miller, it mentions how in the dark years of Jean Doumanian, (she supposedly didn't have a clue what she was doing other than finding Eddie Murphy, which is the one thing that she and Dick Ebersol have always been credited with)....

Anyhow, the reputedly clueless Doumanian would constantly receive phone calls directly to the control room. It would always be something like, [said in a Woody Allen voice] "Hello, is Jean there?"...."It's Moe Golden."

No one ever called him out on it, they would all chuckle at Woody's half-assed attempt to try and keep himself in the background by creating a pseudonym but everyone there remembers it was Woody Allen. So here's a fake name that a famous guy used for an uncertain period of time, and only a handful of people have any ideas of the story.

So that's why I use it every here and there. Because it's more interesting than my real name, and I am less likely to get fired for making internet posts during work. Not hilarious, but worth a chuckle.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Cliches of overcompensatingly hip bloggers

Signs you're overcompensating to be such a hip writer, (and you still suck)*

- Discussing irony with irony
- Using 'fashionista' as a serious noun
- Using 'natch', 'totally'
- Saying 'Yes Virginia...' (what the Hell is that from anyway?)
- Being sure to include your ethnic sounding middle-name (i.e. 'Safran')
- Using a number as your middle name
- You know 10 people named 'Jonathan', and they all refuse to shorten it, even among friends
- Using 'Schadenfreud' as often as possible
- Using 'Zeitgeist' as often as possible
- Using 'raisons d'ĂȘtre' repeatedly
- Pointing out service journalism when it's your meal ticket
- You know who Greg Lindsay is
- You are Greg Lindsay and you pretend you can afford his clothes on a freelancer's pay ("Thanks, dad" or "Thanks, amateur night at the ManHole")
- You are more likely to hire anyone after seeing their name dropped on a friend's blog
- Adding '-Gate' suffix to any scandal moments after its initial revelation
- You actually appreciated the constant, disruptive use of 'Columbia J-School young-un' in Joyce Wadler's old NYT Boldface Names column
- You constantly point out things through superfluous lists
- You feature the ironic self-reflective barb as a final item

*(disclaimer: I still find Jessica Coen attractive)

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Theory of female attractiveness

I've had this for a long time, and I'll probably get some version into one of my screenplays, but here's the gist of it.

There are at least three dimensions of female attractiveness...
1) Cuteness
2) Sexiness
3) Hotness

There are also some intellectual and artistic dimensions, but those are what I spend the majority of my time worrying about, and it hasn't been working.

Cuteness is little more than the mathematical formula of facial symmetry that acts as a subconscious factor to all males.
Sexiness is an attitude, plain and simple.
Hotness, more often than not, is the two aforementioned factors combined in a large amount

Sometimes there are those like Sandra Bernhard is sexy, but by no means cute or hot.
Most guys would have no problems marrying a girl who is just cute.
Sometimes there are 'plastic' chicks, I won't say Pamela Anderson, because she was incredible long before the first boob job - she's really attractive without makeup (at least this was the case in the mid-90's, when I saw her do a show with no makeup on).

Anyhow, sometimes there are those who just over-do it, and even though they fit into that 'hot' category...they might not be able to pull off sexy - maybe they are too insecure - because they just weren't biologically cute to begin with. Hugh Hefner seems to really be attracted to these types on a personal level.

I'd say Jessica Coen is both cute and sexy. If I knew her on any kind of personal level, I might be able to judge if she's hot or how much so. But you can't have that type overt sexuality in your writing without being a freak on some level.